Better

I always get so sad at the ending of the Christmas season and it's all I can do to snap out of it as the day passes.

But, like clockwork, Spring Fever kicks in the very next day and I'm ready to put the Christmas stuff away, ready for the snow to melt, ready for regular music and ready for a new year.

I'm excited to set new goals for the year, smaller ones.  I'm really, really excited that my goal to lose weight is already well underway.  I'm now the same weight I was when I got married.  I'd like to be another size by the time my birthday comes around.  I think that's an attainable goal.

I'm excited for longer days and warmer weather and for the opportunity to do experience all the holidays a year has to offer, all over, again.

I have so many things I want to do and learn, this year! Let's do it! :)

Enough?

Does anyone else feel unsatisfied every Christmas?

I'm not talking about not getting the right gifts...

I always feel like I should've listened to more Christmas music.  Sure, I listened to the radio station that plays it 24 hours a day, but what about my CD's? There's always at least five I didn't listen to.

I always feel like I didn't enjoy the Christmas movies when they were playing, enough.  Did we watch them all?

Could we have driven around and seen more lights?

What about the mall? We didn't even walk around to see and feel all the coolness of the holiday decorations and excited shoppers.

Not to mention, we missed the parade, this year.

Why do I always feel this way come Christmas day? I have several Christmas books I didn't even read.  I didn't do enough Christmas-y crafts with my kids.  Sure, we cut out snowflakes, we made snowmen (twice), we even did a Nativity scene family activity.  We went sledding.  But we didn't make the gingerbread cookies I said we'd make... We forgot the tradition of letting our kids pick out their own cereal for Christmas morning.

Christmas fail? I hate feeling like it was.

This holiday season, we've had the opportunity to serve and be served.  We got to show our children how wonderful it is to give of ourselves, and we were so blessed to be the recipients of such blessings.  We DID go sledding.  We DID read the story of the first Christmas in the Bible.  We DID spend time together as a family.  We DID have the tree and presents and saw SOME lights, and even started a new tradition for the month of December.

Fail? No.

Was it enough? Is it ever? I'm so grateful for the promise of a new year and new opportunities to do fun things with our family all throughout the coming year and for the wonderful repetitiveness of the holidays.  I'm grateful for new beginnings and bittersweet endings.  I'm grateful for this life and all it has to offer.  I'm grateful Christmas comes every year; that holidays come and go; that memories are made; that we always have the opportunity to do it better; to live more fully, to learn and grow and be.

What a wonderful time of year this is.

So, here's to cramming in just a few more movies and listening to the same songs until you're sick of them.  Here's to the lights and sounds and smells and fun of this time of year.  Here's to being with family and friends and eating food you normally wouldn't eat and doing it all over, again, next year.

Here's to Christmas.  :)

12

12.

A number that's been on my mind a lot, lately.

My son just turned 12.  This is a big age.  He's received the Aaronic Priesthood and has started passing the sacrament in church.  He's a Boy Scout.  He's even sounding more and more like my husband.  He's taller than I am by at least 3 inches and borrows his dad's snow boots.

*sigh*

Where has the time gone?

Well, I know where.  It's all jam-packed into the fine lines and wrinkles I see appearing on my face and probably hidden in the white hairs I pluck on a weekly basis.  (I'm not going to dye my hair - I'm just going to go bald.  ha ha)

I'm turning 36, this (next) year.  I have a love/hate relationship with getting older.  I tell people I've made my peace with it and that I even embrace it.  And I have and do.

But...

I feel life creeping by faster and faster, every day and every week and every month and every year.  I want to start really making it count, you know?

I've recently made some big decisions about my life that have already enriched the quality of it.  I'm already accomplishing the goal I normally set year after year to lose weight (down another pound, even, this morning!), so this year, I'm doing something different.

I want to set a goal for each month.  I don't know what they are, yet.  I have an idea, though.  Maybe make something crafty one month (or a few things).  Maybe learn something new another month, maybe read at least one book a month about something or someone important.  Maybe have a goal for every aspect of my life set for every month.  (Spiritual, Mental, Physical, Family, Self, etc.)

I want to make this year one I can look back on and say, that was good.  I'm ready for what comes next; bring it on.

I want to be able to do that with my life.  

Starting with this year.  :)

Priorities and Inner Peace

I recently read something that is the icing on my week of really good cake.

I need to back up a smidge, though...

I'm a mom.  I stay at home with my kids.  For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to do this.  My mom did it and I loved it.  I wanted to be that mom.

I don't think I ever knew what that entailed, though.

I remember when I was around 15 or 16, my mom said to me she wanted to run away and never come back.  I'm thinking it was out of frustration of being a mom because I remember thinking (and probably saying) something along the lines of, "Well, it's not OUR fault we were born... you sort of did this to yourself."

I remember thinking she was selfish in thinking these things.

Fast-forward to my life, now:  I have apologized to my mom for ever thinking such things.

For a while, now, I've longed to re-visit my past life in the medical field.  I have been so unsatisfied with being "just" a mom.  I felt I had no marketable skills; that no one would ever want to hire me should I ever need to get a job.  I felt I had to get my foot back in the door of the business world.  I feel it's safe to say I even hated my life and who I was.  I felt trapped.  I felt there was nothing I could do and I pretty much felt like nothing.

I wanted to run away and never come back.

Coming upon some unexpected financial obligations that we could've met without me working (but not very comfortably), I decided to look for a job.

I had interviews.  I had people circling things on my resume they loved.  I had people telling me they loved me and wanted me to work with and for them.  I was even offered more pay than I would've expected having not worked outside the home in over a decade.  It felt pretty awesome.

Then came the madness of trying to find daycare... What. A. Nightmare.  I've done daycare in my home and MAN was I giving people a sweet deal!

I finally found someone I felt I could trust who wouldn't charge me all of my pay and then some and had the date set to start the new job.  I had the new wardrobe (business casual and scrubs!).  I had my alternative workout schedule planned.  I had it all set.

All of this was accomplished while experiencing so much stress and anxiety that I was losing sleep, not wanting to wake up the next morning (just to avoid having to deal with and/or think about it all over, again), losing HAIR, losing my temper, and questioning and re-questioning if I was doing the right thing.  I had to keep convincing myself this was all a good thing; that this is what I've wanted for so long.  It was only part time, after all.

So, I wasn't surprised when, the night before this was all to take place, my husband asked me if I was ready for this and all I could barely mutter without crying was, "no".

I wasn't ready for this.  I wasn't ready to leave my kids for however many hours a day in the hands of someone I'd only met once.  I wasn't ready to miss out on precious little moments of them being little and never being able to get that back.  I wasn't ready to worry about how I was going to do all I did at home without a job, let alone with a job.  I wasn't ready to face the possibility of something becoming more important to me than what already was:  my family.

See, I think my mom and I faced the wanting to run away crisis for the very same reason:  We both gave and gave and gave and didn't think to make sure WE were taken care of.  Isn't that what being a mother is, after all?

No.  I've decided it's not.

How can you fill other peoples' buckets if your own is empty? How can you give 100% if YOU are not 100%?

I've made it known that I've been successful for the first time in my whole life at losing weight.  I've been doing something I love, something that's just for me.  BUT, that thing doesn't take away from the quality of life of those around me.  I decided anything I do for myself should never take away from the quality of life of those around me; namely, my family.

I shouldn't have to convince myself that something is right if it really is right.

I decided, after talking for a long time with my husband, that I really did want to stay home with my small ones.  I wanted to be home during the summer for my big ones.  I knew in my heart that my place is still in my home.

Through this experience, I finally feel at peace with my past, like I've been able to find closure and let that door close.  I'm not missing out on anything by being home.  I'm doing something so important and huge right here in my own home.

This week, the week I've supposed to have been working at a new job in new clothes with the new daycare, I've been able to be home with my sweet ones.  I've been there for the random hugs of my smallest one.  I have truly cherished every moment with them and wouldn't have, otherwise, had I not had the opportunity to go through this experience.  I'm grateful for this experience and the opportunity to choose to be home, again.  I don't feel trapped, anymore.  I don't feel like I'm nothing, anymore.  I was able to see that I DO have marketable skills, that people would want ME to work for them and they saw things in me that no one's seen (or even known about) for so very long.  It's been a sweet experience.  I would face the stress and anxiety all over, again, because I'm so thankful for what it brought into my life.

I love being at home with my kids, I love being their mom.  I love being here for the little moments that I would have missed.  What a sweet blessing.

This brings me back to the article I read.  I hope you've read it.  It's worth it.

This is only temporary.  

Some of the most powerful words I've ever heard.  They hold new meaning for me, now.  I'm grateful for them and I'm truly grateful for my calling as a mother and that I get to be home for the biggest and smallest moments of my life and my children's lives.

My own version of a Christmas card for the masses.

and

for you

for me

handy

a-bubblin'

as can be

hang low and threatenin'

it won't

and it may

the brightest

glows in every 

waitin' for 

day

waitin' for 

daaaaay!

That's one small step for man...

...and one giant leap for my family.

I got a job! I haven't had a job in over a decade! To say I've been having anxiety and panic-attacks and so much stress.... well, that's pretty much accurate.

I've been up and down about this, losing sleep, losing my temper, even losing HAIR.  I cut five inches off my hair to help, even!

But, I've found a good daycare, I have the appropriate wardrobe, I have even found a good exercise schedule (that was a non-negotiable)... I think I'm finally ready.

We have come upon some financial needs that we weren't prepared for with a house we own in Gillette, WY and weren't sure how to pay for them.  We're going to seriously cut costs in our family, but I've wanted to get back into what I was doing before I had kids for some time, now.  Well, since I stopped, really.  I missed it.  A lot.  My kids need a break from me, during the day, but I didn't want to abandon them, completely.

For now, my hours are family-friendly.  I think, eventually, they could turn into more of a full time thing, but we're part time, now.  I can do that.  It'll bring in the money we need and get my kids some much-needed, provided-by-someone-else structure, and I'll be doing what I've loved doing in the past.  :)

I'm trying it for 30 days.  If it's not worth it to my family for me to do this, I'll stop.  I don't see that happening, though.  I think it'll be good.

Still a little nervous, though.  ;)

Gratitouille

Isn't that a fun word? haha

I couldn't get through the day without making note of some of the things I'm thankful for, this glorious day:

• First thing, my family.  I am slightly emotional, today, just thinking about how much I love them.
• My marriage.  Easy? No.  Worth it? Yep.
• My new shoes.  I was complimented on how they make me bounce higher in my exercise class.
• My exercise class.  For years, I've had the goal to lose weight.  I have finally found something I love, that I can stick to, that's working.  Go me!
• My body.  It works.  All of it.  That's more awesome than some realize, I think.
• Cysts that aren't breast cancer.
• No clouds, today.  We went for a long walk as a family and it felt so good!
• Holidays... pretty much any of the ones that come after October 1st.
• Billings, MT.  Our lives have changed for the better since we moved here.
• The Gospel.  I find peace in so many of my trials because of my relationship with my Heavenly Father.  I don't know how those without it cope.  
• Smells.  Good ones.  ;)
• Trees.  I love trees.  Love them.
• Walking.  
• Music.  Pretty much any kind.
• Books.  Best. Escape. Ever.
• Electricity, indoor plumbing, clocks and trash cans.  And cars.  And the internet.
• Jingle bell earrings.
• Steak.
• The fact that I have so much to be thankful for, that I could probably write a whole book about it.

Game. Set. Match.

I had a goal to meet a certain weight by Thanksgiving.

I met it two days, ago.

Feeling pretty awesome.

Finally Losing It

I had to post about something.  I pretty much neglect my blog, these days, but for good reason:

I've been focusing on me.

Well, and my family, and the laundry, and the other little things that never seem to be satisfied with just one moment of my time...

But, since June, I've been exercising my buns off.

Literally.

I've lost about 15 lbs. and I'm down a size! For the first time like EVER, I've lost weight on purpose, because I've actually tried and done something about it! And I'm keeping it off! WOO!!

Since yesterday, I've had FIVE people tell me I'm looking good! THAT'S what feels good - that others can see it! I know my clothes fit awesome, and I've even had to replace a lot of my wardrobe, and the scale's slowly, but surely, showing results, but people can see! That's huge to me!

I'm going to keep at it, as I still have a ways to go to my ultimate goal, but I'm happy to say this is my lifestyle, now, not just a temporary thing to get my weight down, and it's not hard and I don't feel the urge to "cheat" and I feel so incredibly awesome! I love it! :)

Anyway.  I had to make record of this because I've tried to in the past and failed...

but not anymore.  :)

Go me!!

Secret Passageways

One of my most beloved things to do is go for a bike ride.  I did this as a kid all summer long or whenever the weather was nice.  I knew my neighborhood like the back of my hand.

We recently moved from a super cool neighborhood (Sleepy Hollow) that was surrounded by prairie (i.e. snakes) so we never ventured farther than the edges with our bikes.  It was nice to know our kids were safe, there, but left little for adventure.

Now that we live in Billings, we've all gotten our bikes well-accustomed to its streets.  We live near a fairly busy area, but also close to some surrounding neighborhoods.  My kids and I have seen how far we can go in most directions.

Since my older kids are in school, now, I was afraid my bike rides would be limited on length since I'd have to corral my 4 yr old to safer areas.

Last time we went out, we were already out for an hour and on our way home when we found a mysterious sidewalk that led between some houses.  Next time, we decided.

Today was that "next time".  We headed straight for the mystery path to see where it led.  

If you've been to Billings, you know it's green and tree-filled and BE-A-Utiful.  This sidewalk led to just that.

We were faced with several rights or lefts but didn't know exactly where we were because we weren't on ANY streets - this sidewalk was placed ever-so-awesomely behind/between houses.  It's the world's longest greenbelt, I've decided.  

We rode and rode, often coming across random picnic tables, past tree after tree, surrounded by grass and the backs of houses the entire time.  It was 

AWESOME.

We could've kept going but I had no watch and no inkling as to what time it was (we were aiming for a 30 minute ride but ended up back at home after an hour!) so we had to head back.  

But, that leaves the rest to be explored another day! 

Poor Quin, though, started complaining that he couldn't make it when we were in the home-stretch.  We even had to stop for a brief break.  When we got home, I realized his tire was flat.  No wonder it felt impossible to go on!

Blessings in disguise

I took my kids to Walmart, the other day.  All four of them.  And we opt to drive 20+ minutes to the one on the WAY other side of town instead of the one that's five minutes from our house because, somehow, it's a much better atmosphere and less stressful/chaotic.

Anywho, it was grocery day.  I hate grocery day.  We left at 1:30pm and didn't get home till 4pm.

To say it was an enjoyable experience would be a complete and utter lie.

But something happened while we were there that had me realizing how blessed I was.

Here I had four kids - three were somehow crammed into the front of the buggy (it was one of those supermom buggies that are longer than a freight train but somehow supposed to be more convenient) and the fourth was "driving" the semi (seriously what they were calling it - they're really that long).

I was juggling around a lady who needed something in the same spot I did, and I offered to trade buggies with her.  I think she thought I was joking, because she was giggling at the hilarity (insanity) of my current situation.

Then she said she'd already done that.

Then she said, slightly choking up on her words, that her 9 year old and 15 year old died in the same car accident.

Talk about being stopped right in my tracks.

I didn't consider the fact that we didn't know each other when I hugged her.

We were both crying.

She said thank you.*  She followed up, though, with the happy news of the birth of her granddaughter.

Then we parted ways.  I'm glad my kids were able to witness that - that we can show God's love for His children, even if we don't know them.  That we can help carry each others burdens, no matter where we are.

*I was kinda hoping that since she said thank you, she was accepting my offer.  No dice.  Oh, well.  She helped me see through my trial, I was actually being blessed.

'Cuz Baby, You're a FIIIIIREWORK

I love that song.  It was played during the awesome firework show we watched, last night.  I LOVE when they couple the pyrotechnics with music! SO AWESOME.

I didn't take one picture, yesterday.  Not one.

I'm slightly bummed about this - but only slightly.  I'm slightly bummed because it was Owen's first real 4th of July - last year, we wimped out and didn't watch any because of various reasons, he being one of them.  He wasn't too sure about them, but I think it was because he was so tired, and now that he was sitting still long enough to realize it, he was more interested in sleep... and was out by the time the finale ended.

We watched a parade in Laurel, MT - a place that boasts the biggest fireworks show in the world? Montana? Area? I don't know... but the parade was L to the AME.  Seriously.  We waited in 90 degree heat (muggy heat) for nothing.  And by nothing, I mean an hour of cars and sorry floats that had no thought put in to them.  There wasn't even ONE marching band! What's up with that?! The best part was the marine at the very front (yum) carrying the flag.  No one even clapped for the Veterans.  Dude.  In my last city, people were so amazingly patriotic and parade was so awesome! And we came away with hoards of candy! haha  Anyway.  Not next year.  We'll pass, thankyouverymuch.

The best part of the whole day was my kids.  Well, my whole family, but lately, my kids have been fighting like CRAZY.  I prayed to know what to do and a solution came to my mind that I told my older two to try - and it WORKED.  It was seriously the best part of the day.  I wanted to record this, somewhere, so I could refer to it in the future:

Be PROactive instead of REactive.

Like magic.  :)

Sweaty Spice

In the moments of peace and solitude...

BAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Who'm I kidding?? I have four kids!

But, in those moments when one is asleep and the rest are outside for forced summer-ruining playtime, that's when I feel like writing about the rest of the time; the crazy parts.

Speaking of crazy, I've been exercising M-F since the end of May.  Jazzercise, baby!

It's fun and makes me feel good about myself, but I'm not seeing results.  At least the scale isn't.

I feel like maybe I'm possibly losing inches, but I never took measurements.  Wish I did.  I'm feeling rather frustrated.

I'm going to keep going, though.  Afterall, I'm paid through the end of August.  ;)

I have to wonder what midlife crisis feels like and what age it typically hits:  I feel like I'm in it.

I've been doing a lot of soul-searching, lately, and having the goal to be able to look back with no regrets is hitting home.

I want my kids to know me.  I want them to see me as a person, not just their mom.  I want them to see who I am.

I've been trying to be more involved in my own life, with my kids, with my marriage.  I found myself trying to escape all the time, either into a book or my latest favorite on Netflix.  I don't like that.  Even now, I'm thinking I've been on the computer for WAY too long.

So, I'm going to call this good, for now.  :)

Breaking Free

I'm 35, this year.

Thirty.  Five.

And all I have to show for it is... what? Four kids? That was a given.  Of course I was going to have kids.  That, seemingly, was the easy part.

But what else do I have to show for my life?

Nada.

That's going to change.

Starting a week, ago, actually.  :)

This means breaking out of my comfort zone... something I don't remember ever really doing.  Well, that's not true - I started giving blood with a big fear of needles.  I conquered that fear.  I even made a career out of it - that is, before I had kids.

I'm doing the Relay for Life race, this summer.  I'm even the team captain!

For once in, I don't know how long, maybe ever, I'm making a decision to do something and I'm (get this) actually

DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

Weird, right?

Exciting? Totally.

Intimidating? Certainly.

But I'm still doing it.

And I couldn't be prouder of myself.  :)

Insanity Plea

"I love moving!!"

Said no one, ever.

We just moved into a 1,350 sq. ft. apartment.  We're on the second floor (16 stairs).  We live above a smoker who's not afraid to share and below someone who (I'm guessing) likes to pick up large furniture and drop it.  We have a large storage unit, a few blocks away.  We have a small storage unit on the apartment grounds, but still far away.  For all of this awesomeness, we pay a grand total of $1,222/month.

We've lived here for a month.

However, on our walk, last night, we found town homes.  1,500 sq. ft. ones, and that's not even including the unfinished basement.  Or the two car garage.  Or the yard.  They're not below anyone.  Or above anyone.  They're even on a non-smoking CAMPUS.  All for $1,175/month.

Which would you choose?

Yeah, us, too.

And we didn't even keep any boxes.

Good thing... for some reason, staying put feels better.  Weird.

On tonight's episode of Hoarders:

Living room before:

After (sans pictures):

Kitchen before:

After:

And, yes, the baby was in a box - here's proof:

My kids have handled this move pretty well.  We all have adjusting to do, but we're making the best of it:

(This wasn't even half of the boxes we had - and they made a pretty good fort.)

No backyard? No problem!

Most everything is unpacked, our new desk arrives within the week and our new bed arrives tomorrow.

Goodbye air mattress!

Moving

Things I've learned from moving, this time around:

1.  Don't pack the camera.  You miss things like the mac & cheese dinner you had to eat out of cups and the path of pressed boards made in the hallway for easier skateboarding.

2.  There are certain luxuries I would never be willing to live without on a permanent basis.  Trash cans and clocks are just a couple of them.

3.  Apartments have their charms.  They also have smaller refrigerators.  

4.  There's "homeowner-clean", and then there's "renter-clean".

5.  Labeling a box "bathroom" is not as effective as labeling it "shower curtains".

6.  Food storage:  both a blessing and a curse.

7.  Moving plants is a good idea only in theory.

8.  A new, bigger Walmart isn't all it's cracked up to be - it just means more people.

9.  Home-cooked meals don't get the credit they deserve.

10.  I.  hate.  moving.

Being in our new place isn't all bad - I just think all the boxes are distorting our view for the moment.  :)  

With Spring comes new growth...

My cup runneth over.

I have so much to say, but so little time.  (It's nearing my bedtime...)

I wondered, today, to my husband, why I haven't felt the Lord's presence as strongly of late as I had in the past.

Things are super easy, now.  Well, as easy as packing a whole house by yourself while single-momming four kids can be.

My husband said, "You can still feel the Spirit, but you are looking for the strength that comes when you are in desperate need of His help.  We don't need that right now, just His influence.

"And it is all around you."

He's been here the whole time.  This whole time when I thought I had been forsaken because of some foolish decision on my family's behalf (which had not been made, mind you), He's been here.

I got so used to hard that I forgot what easy felt like.

(Easy...  Heh.  We're moving to another state, my kids are starting a new school mid-semester, family will be farther away, again, and we've sold our bed*.)

But we're doing it as a family; as a team.

Together, I've decided, we can conquer anything.

I've learned so much about me and my kids and what we can accomplish, and how badly I need my husband for dinner and bath time.  It's been a grand adventure and I'm not entirely sure I'm happy to see its end.  Well, ok... I am.  Really - I'm tired of sleeping on an air mattress.

Here's to an exciting Easter weekend, a new life in a new place, and to finding more boxes!


*This is me redefining "easy".

A Moment?

Do you ever feel like you just need to say something out loud? Not necessarily for anyone to read or hear or respond to, even, but just because?

I'm having that kind of moment.

I feel like I've forgotten how to be strong.

I have it in my head that my family's only going to be apart for a month, when, really, it could be much longer.

I keep forgetting to have faith.  I forget that Heavenly Father is taking care of us, that I can let go because I really think we've done all we can do.

I don't want to be a baby about this separation.  I have two SILs who've been away from their husbands for long periods of time due to military requirements and they survived just fine.

I don't think I'm handling this trial very gracefully.  Some of the excitement of moving and starting something new is coming back, but then I remember that we're still stuck on step 4 when step 7 is when the exciting stuff begins.

Matt's leaving, tomorrow, to start his new job in another state.  He'll be three hours away.  I know that doesn't seem like far, but when it costs $100 each way and we have to come up with $11,000 just to be able to sell our house, it means we won't see each other until after that $11,000 is spent.

I'm feeling, very acutely, how he really is my other half.  Not always my better (or worse), but other, for sure.

I'm going to have to remember to turn the porch light off in the morning and take the trash to the dump every other weekend.

I'm going to have to remember to check the mail so the mail person doesn't think we died.

I'm going to have to shovel the sidewalk and driveway and make breakfast on the weekends so my kids get a break from cereal (and instant oatmeal, if we're feeling fancy).

I won't have extra arms to hold the baby who's trying to crawl up my legs because dinner isn't being made fast enough.  I won't have a body to keep the covers warm in the middle of the night when I get up with that same baby.

If someone wants to come see our house, I have to make sure it's clean by myself.

I'm so grateful he got this new job.  This is a very awesome thing and I have no regrets about embarking on this journey.  I'll be forever grateful to the people who are letting him stay in their basement.

I know I can do this, but for some reason, I have to keep reminding myself that I can do this.  How did I get so weak? Rather, how did I come to believe that I am?

I'm done whining, now.  Getting something out and letting it go is so much better than holding it in and letting it fester.  ;)

Still Moving

And so began our journey.

It's been hard.  Really hard.  But I keep getting messages from God saying it's all good:

Things are still working out, just not in the time frame we thought they would.  But, we've put this in the Lord's hands.  It's actually rather comforting knowing He's on our side.  :)

Speeding the Right

I have been told by several people that there is just something special about my little Quin.

I have to agree.

Not because I'm the mom, but because, even before he was born, his spirit just felt special.  I felt different about his sweet spirit than even my other three kids.

He's just a good boy.

He's my musical boy, in that, he loves it.  I'm sure he'd be quite talented should we invest in that area of his life.

Yesterday, in the car, he was requesting his newest favorite song.  (Around Christmas, it was "Hark the Herald Angels Sing", same as last year.)

I didn't want to listen to it, I wanted to listen to what the radio had to offer.

I let him hear his song (which he's been humming for days) one time, then turned it to the radio.  When I turned back to smile at him after doing so, he didn't smile back.  I knew he was sad.

Then I thought, why would I choose the radio (which happened to be playing a song about something slightly inappropriate and not very uplifting) when I could not only make him happy by playing his song, but even be spiritually uplifted by doing so?

His new favorite song, afterall, is "God Speed the Right".

Needless to say, I switched it back and put it on "repeat".

Timing is EVERYTHING

What a journey.

We started in October.

We're still not through, but farther along.

I was emailed a quote, the other day, and thought - that's good.  I'll keep that one.

"Often when we pray for help with a significant matter, Heavenly Father will give us gentle promptings that require us to think, exercise faith, work, at times struggle, then act. It is a step-by-step process that enables us to discern inspired answers."

Richard G. Scott is one of my favorite people.  Very wise.  

My husband and family and I have been praying for help on a specific matter... we've been given gentle promptings that have required us to think, exercise faith (most definitely), work, yes, and struggle... and we've acted when we felt we needed to.  It has been a step-by-step (by step by step...) process that we never thought would take this long.  

In fact, we thought we'd be moved, by now.  Before Christmas, even.  We were so sure we'd be somewhere on the west coast before the snow came that we didn't even buy our kids snow boots, this winter.

I was just pondering this fact, after unpacking from a very long trip home from Billings, MT - which is not on the west coast, by the way - and thinking, if we had gotten what we thought WE knew was best for our family when WE thought the time was right, we wouldn't have received near as many blessings as we're receiving.

The Lord truly is awesome.  I'm so glad we put this in His hands.  I'm so grateful He's been watching out for my family and knew what was best and how this all needed to work out all along.  The moments we've struggled were worth the moments we saw the blessings we were receiving.

I'm excited for our future, and, yes, anxious.  I'm ready for it to be over.  I'm ready to not stress about this particular time in our life; I'm ready to be able to look back and take stock of all the blessings we've received along the way.

The puzzle pieces continue to fall into place, one piece at a time.  Wherever we end up, wherever this journey takes us, I'll always be grateful that we had the help of the Lord through it all.

On not wanting to blog... and other things

It's a new year and it's the first year in MANY that I haven't set any goals.

Not because I didn't want to, mind you, I had some in mind... but, just didn't write anything down or whatever.  Didn't even really start any.

There are things I want to change in my life, just not for this year, only.  So, I'm still going forward with what I want to change most:

Self-mastery.

I feel like I waste a lot of time on my computer.  I'm not on it all that much, but I feel like I'm on it way more than I really need to be.

I don't want to miss out on my life.  I don't want my life to control me or just happen while I'm simply existing in it.

It's for this reason that I think I'm going to stop blogging.  Not that I do a whole lot of it, anyway.

I have a book blog - why on earth do I want to write down about what I read? Why not just move on to the next book?

I have a weight-loss blog - ha.  Fat lotta good THAT did me!  (pun intended)

I'd hate to just delete this one - there's a lot of stories and pictures and stuff I don't want just gone.

A lot has been going on in my life, these days, and I feel like life's passing me by because I want to do so many things but never really get past writing them down.

Am I doing that, now? Just writing it down... only to not go through with it? I hope not.