Top Ten Things That Happened Whilst I Fasted From Social Media for Ten Days

1.  A roadrunner chilled on my porch for a morning.  Only 5 other people knew about it.  I took a picture.

2.  I was five days late... but not six.  😳🙏

3.  My son decided to be a cat named "Meowy" who's a thief but also a knight who's also a professor for Halloween.

4.  Velociraptors visited my library.  I have the selfie to prove it.

5.  I bought tickets to see Wicked next April with my daughter.  We're most excited.

6.  My phone was painlessly upgraded.  (Hello, Moto...)

7.  I added more Halloween earrings to my collection.  Well, I only had one pair before, so now it's officially a collection.

8.  My family came to the conclusion that we are very decidedly a one-dog-only family.

9.  I wandered into "Jane the Virgin" territory on Netflix.  I'm probably going to be here for a while.

10.  I realized how many times during the day something will happen in my life and my first thought is to share it with the internet.


Bonus:  I didn't miss it.  I realized I don't need to check every notification or thing my friends are selling.  I wasted a lot of my life checking up on the lives of others.  I think I'm going to vastly decrease my usage from here on out.

By Small and Simple Things...

Recently, a promise was made by our stake president to a congregation of people at a fireside that if we accepted the invitation to submerge ourselves in the scriptures and follow the same reading schedule the youth were invited to follow in preparation for a very special event coming next year, we would see miracles happen in our lives.

My soul was touched.  The Spirit in that meeting was so strong it could be physically felt.

Yet, I was hesitant.  My family has been doing scripture reading almost every night for many moons but it's been puny at best.  This would require us to read more each night and answer discussion questions following.

Did we want to start over? Again? Were my kids going to sit for longer and actually tolerate a discussion afterward?

I had my doubts.

In fact, for a couple weeks, we didn't even do it.  I figured what we were doing was good enough and hey, at least we were doing it, right?

Apparently, it wasn't good enough.  One day I got the very strong prompting that we needed to join the masses that were on the reading schedule and just start where everyone else was.  I told my husband about it and met my first opposition.  I won't go into details but we'll say he wasn't on board.  He thought what we were doing was good enough, too.

The next day, though, he announced to the family during our family council (it was a Sunday) that we were going to be doing the scripture reading we were invited to participate in, starting that evening.

And we did.  We all had our scriptures and followed along.  We took turns reading a number of verses to cover the nightly reading assignment.  We then read the corresponding study question to get a discussion started.

The discussions haven't been scholarly by any means.  Sometimes it's all we can do to get a single syllable answer out of even one person.  But we're doing it.

And today, I saw my first miracle.

My kids are all home on Fall break this week.  I always come up with a "If you want to kill your brain cells with electronics, you're going to exercise your mind and body, first" list.

Part of my list, this time, was taking the dog for a walk around the block.

The miracle is my oldest son went.  Even though one of his shoes was still wet from having to be cleaned off due to a doggie doo incident.  Even though he's fought me on this in the past.  He went with a smile on his face and returned with a smile on his face.

All of my kids did all the things on the list without me nagging them to do it.  They did it with smiles on their faces.  They did it without fighting me.

I don't know if tomorrow will be the same but I'll take today.  I'll take this miracle.

p.s.  I've started a 10 day social media fast, today.  For the record, I did not need to go on any other site to share this post.  Just so we're clear.  ;)

Mid-life panic

I've started this post three times, now.  My thoughts ramble.

It comes to this, though - I'm 40.  I'm beginning to feel a desperate sort of panic about my life.

Like, what have I accomplished? I've done everything I ever wanted to do... which isn't saying much, really.

I've gotten married in the temple and started a family.  Those were my life goals.

And that's all.

I actually had this plan to go to school for medical assisting and move to Boulder, Colorado.  I mean, go big or go home, amIright? Ha.  I did do the school part.

By use of the handy encyclopedias we had growing up, I was able to make a list of the things I thought would be ideal in a place of residence and narrowed it down to Oregon or Washington.  I lived in Washington for two years, so that's something.

For real, though - now what? Is this as good as it gets?

I can see how people sort of flip about this time in their life.  I'm not about starting an affair or buying a two-seater car because of some "crisis".

I do want more, though.  If I died today, I can't say that I'm satisfied.  I want no regrets.

I just have to decide what that looks like for me.

I need to define the answer to my question and take action because I feel like I'm running out of time.  I feel like it's 3am and I have a major project due the next day and I'm not going to be able to do my best because I procrastinated till the last minute so now I have to settle for probably a D.

I don't want that.  I don't want a D kinda life.

I sorta feel paralyzed by the panic... like what do I do? How do I do it? Where do I start? What even do I want out of my life? What do I want to see when I look back from my last days on this earth?

Now is where my thoughts start to ramble.

To be continued...

Hard Happens

The other day, I found myself praying for a certain situation to be avoided for one of my children.  They ended up having to face the situation, anyway.  My prayer wasn't answered.  When I brought that to Heavenly Father, He promptly reminded me that He did one better.  He allowed my child to not only gain some experience and wisdom from facing said situation but also allowed them to see that they had what it takes to get through something like that.  It gave them the opportunity to listen to the wisdom and experience of their mother and rely on me for support.  They came through triumphant and saw that they were able to handle it, after all.  They now have the opportunity to use that experience as a tool for dealing with things like this in the future.  I'm glad my prayer wasn't answered.  Shame on me for wanting a hard-free life for my child.

Life is going to have hard parts.  That's reality.  People these days are so busy trying to sugar-coat everything and hand out participation trophies for everything else, it's just plain ridiculous.  Instead of being a support to those who are struggling when things are hard, we're trying to make things not hard, anymore.  We can't do that.  Like, literally, it would be impossible to even try.  Hard things are going to happen.  Instead of trying to make it easy for everyone, let's teach our kids how to handle the hard and even be a help to them and others when the hard inevitably happens.  Because it's going to happen whether we like it or not.  Life's not always going to be fair.  Sometimes you're going to lose.  Sometimes people die.  Sometimes you get fired.  Sometimes people you love get sick.  Sometimes you do something stupid and have to own it and face the consequences.  Sometimes people will get something that you want but can't have. And, yes, sometimes someone is going to say something you don't like or agree with.  It might make you angry.  It might make you feel guilty.  It might be downright offensive.  But, dude.  How you deal with that is on YOU.  People shouldn't be stopped from speaking their mind or living their life because something they say or do might not jive with 100% of the population.  I guarantee that is never going to happen.  (I am NOT saying it's ok to be purposely offensive.  Society has just made it so it's hard to say ANYTHING or BE anything or DO anything or even CELEBRATE anything.)

I made a decision a while, ago, that if it's not positive or uplifting, it doesn't need to be said (or written about or posted on social media).  It's actually been quite refreshing, but at the same time, I find myself worried I might say the wrong thing, anyway.  I strongly dislike that I have to watch what I say, regardless of how positive I'm trying to keep it, all because it might offend someone.  I struggle with the whole, "let's make sure everyone's ok" crap.  Whether or not someone is offended or "ok" is their responsibility.  Not mine.  Not anyone else's.  I'm tired of feeling censored.  I'm not saying go out and say or write or do offensive things, but I'm tired of feeling like I can't write or say anything because it might hurt someone's feelings, no matter what it is.  I'm all for being compassionate and not going out of my way to hurt someone's feelings, but we simply cannot make every situation peachy so no one ever feels sad or left out or offended.

Not every situation is going to include all people.  That's impossible.  Not every holiday is for every person to celebrate.  People are always going to have differing opinions and life situations.  Sometimes things just aren't going to be fair.  THAT'S LIFE.  I'm tired of society trying to make everything ok for everyone.  If someone's doing something wrong or something they're not supposed to be doing, they forfeit their right to be treated like they're not.  If someone's having a hard time with a particular thing or situation due to no fault of their own, that does suck.  I have a hug and a listening ear for you, but life does just suck, sometimes.  We all have to deal with it and embrace the not-sucky parts and be there for each other when it does.  Because it will.  We can't change that.  We can only change how we deal.

This has been bothering me for some time.  Someone is likely going to disagree with this.  And you know what? Ok.  I am not out to offend anyone.  I'm still going to do my best to be uber aware of what comes out of my mouth.  I truly do like being positive.  I am still very thankful to the person who indirectly helped me realize I needed to make this change.  But, I needed to say this.  It feels good to get it out.  And I daresay someone probably needed to hear it.  Not my call, I know.  But the truth hurts, y'all.  And this is my blog and I have the freedom of speech.  So, there.

PPD

**We don't have the doggie, anymore.  We rehomed her to a different family a few weeks, ago.  We didn't want to risk losing our house - it's on our lease that we can't have one.  That was our deciding factor in keeping her or not.**


Some things I know about myself:

* I'm spontaneous.
* I don't do well with change.
* I'm very independent.

We recently got a new puppy.  Now read the above descriptors, again.

Our {my} world has been turned upside-down.

We were super excited.  We had wanted one for a while.  She was perfect.  Her name is Amaya {Mya}.

I'm writing because, for me, it's therapeutic.

I have a confession...

I don't love having a puppy.

I've been struggling.  I sorely miss being able to leave the house whenever I want or shower whenever I want or pee whenever I want or go to bed whenever I want... I miss my freedom.  I miss my easy-going comfort zone.  I miss being able to eat on the couch.

The last time I felt this way {albeit slightly worse} was after I had my babies.

I had severe postpartum depression after each one.  It was a hell I wouldn't wish on anyone.

All of those ugly memories and feelings of despair and anguish are being triggered and brought to the surface all over, again.  All because of a tiny creature that should invoke joy but instead makes me not only dread waking up in the morning but going to bed at night and everything in between.

I strongly dislike that this is so hard for me.  I wish I could love having a puppy, more.  I wish I could've loved having my babies, more.

I wish I could treat my anxiety issues without medication or anything complicated like diet and exercise {ha}.

I can't tell my family.  I feel like a heartless person for wanting to give her back or pass her on to another family; for wanting my old life, back.  For changing my mind and not feeling more concerned about juggling the life of an innocent animal.

I know life will go on.  I know {hope}  she'll grow out of the need to chew on everything and will eventually be a better listener.  I know eventually she'll realize peeing in the loft is not what Hamblins do.

If I can survive postpartum depression, surely I can survive postpuppy depression.

Another Perspective...

First, do I know how to create drama or what?

I'm a strongly-opinionated person.  Anyone who knows me knows this.  I'm sure most have a love/hate relationship with that part of my personality.  I don't need to know which.  ;)

So, once upon a time, I had a calling.  It was on a most hectic day of the week.  I happened to also say I would bring someone dinner on one of these particular days.  I also had dinner for my own family to make.  I also had four kids and homework and a husband still at work.  I ended up being late to a pretty big event which frustrated someone who was depending on me.  That person didn't know what the rest of my day looked like, just that I had let them down.  I was a stressed out mess and felt horrible for not being able to do it all.

And it's because I didn't say no.

Fast-forward to a different day.  It was a Saturday afternoon.  I was asked to sub in a class in church the next day.  I was an anxiety-ridden mess (again) for whatever reason and really struggled with what was being asked of me.  Then I did something I had pretty much never done.

I said no.

I explained it just wasn't in the stars for me that weekend and that realistically, I could not be depended on to come through on this particular task.  I would be an even hotter mess and feel badly about not doing it to the best of my ability.

I know sometimes we have to say no.  I really do know that.

When I was put into this calling, I was so excited.  I cried.  I've wanted this for so long.  I felt I had so much love to give and wanted so badly to serve in this capacity.  I knew this was actually something I could do well.  (2nd Counselor in the Relief Society)

Then my first meeting took place.  That was where I realized how heavy the burden is for the leaders of our ward and most likely, church.  I learned things that saddened me.  Not the things I mentioned in my last post.  I learned things that weighed heavily on my heart.  I know this comes with the territory.  I prayed that night for help carrying the load I was helping carry, myself.  I felt lighter with that prayer and a greater love for those I get to serve.

So, for the most part, I know the "why" when people say no.  I know there are reasons beyond just not feeling like it or thinking it might be too hard.  I do know.

In my last post, I was very... how you say? Blunt.  Straight-forward.  No beating around the bush.  And I meant every word.  But I did not mean it for those who say no and have every reason to.  I know from personal experience that sometimes you just have to.

But I also know a little bit of what it takes to keep this ward moving forward.  I know that it takes many hands to do this work.  I know that there are likely hands that could be helping but are choosing not to.  So, here's how I would like to reword the point I wanted to make in my last post but probably could've worded better:

When you're asked to help, really ask yourself - can I do this? If it seems hard, and it might very well be, pray about it.  In the strength of the Lord, we can do all things.  We can do hard things.  He gives us what we need to learn and grow and help those in our church.  We need to be there for each other.  I know there are things that will be asked of us that will stretch us.  I know there are things that will be asked of us that will shove us right out of our comfort zones.  I know that there will be things that are asked of us that we've never done or that we just don't feel like doing.  It's those things that are meant to help us build character.  It's those things that are to strengthen us and bring us closer to each other and therefore the Lord.  Sometimes He gives us hard things so we WILL go to Him for help.  He knows what we're capable of; He knows what we're made of.  And He'll be there with us every step of the way.  So if you're able, and someone needs help or you're called to a position that scares you a little bit, pray about it.  Do some soul searching.  I think you will be amazed at what you find when you dig deep.  I think you'll be amazed at what you learn about yourself when you allow yourself to open up and try something new or scary or hard.

The ward and the church need all of its members.  We all play an important role whether we recognize that or not.  Be it big or small, we count.  All of us.  If you need to say no, if there's no way you can do what you're asked to do, then by all means, say no.  But please be willing to help where you can.  You're needed.  We all are.

I love my calling.  I genuinely love the people I serve and serve with.  It's a gift I've been given to love others.  I cherish that gift.  I never would ever want someone to feel sad or judged because of something I have said or done.  I'm not sorry for who I am.  I'm a passionate, expressive person who sometimes doesn't know when to keep her mouth shut or think before she speaks (or blogs).  But I'm also someone you can trust.  I'm like Vegas.  I will always be real with you and you will never have to wonder what is going through my mind.  Mostly because I'll probably just blog about it.  ;)

Why I Will Always Say Yes

When we lived in Billings, MT, we had a house we were trying to sell in Gillette, WY.

Shortly after we moved, there was a big storm that caused a lot of damage to trees.  We had, I think, eight trees on our property which meant our yard was covered in broken branches and leaves.  Literally covered.  No one was living there so we had to drive the three hours to go clean up the yard to keep it in selling condition.

Enter:  The Tyners.  Some of the best people you'll ever meet.  They opted to drive down with us to help us with the clean-up.  I was amazed at their willingness to serve us, people they only barely knew.

During our time in Billings, we were blessed by the Tyners many times as well as many others in the ward.  It was the greatest ward I've ever lived in.  We were family.  People loved one another and were always ready and willing to step up and help.

I've been thinking about this post for a while.  It might be seen as offensive.  Or, maybe a wake-up call.  I don't know.  But I've never been one to keep my opinion to myself.

I'm now in a position of somewhat leadership in my current ward and, though it's been a short time, I've been made aware of a very sad fact:

People say no.

I was living under the naive impression that people were generally willing to do their part; people were ready to step outside of their comfort zones and cowboy-up.  I thought people were generally willing to be there for each other.  I thought people might hesitate at the thought of something they've never done or something that might seem hard but for the most part, would allow themselves to be stretched by the task that was asked of them and go forth as the Lord would have us do.

But... they're not.

I'm saddened by this.

The Lord says serve, so we serve.  At least, that's how it's supposed to be.

But it's not.  It's like pulling dang teeth.

It's frustrating.  It's disheartening.

So what if something's hard or might be inconvenient? So what if it's something you've never done before? So what if you're busy? So dang what if it's scary?

I mean, my goodness.  Get with it, people.  Stop saying no.  Start doing what the Lord wants you to do and even sometimes calls you to do.  Those in authority in the church might not know your situation but the Lord does.  And I can tell you, a lot of prayer goes into the issuing of callings.  I know this.  The Lord is very much a part of who is asked to help.  He knows it's going to be uncomfortable or hard or inconvenient.  But that's why we're here, isn't it? To grow? No one ever got stronger by lifting feathers.  My dad said, "If you're comfortable, you're not growing."

It makes it so hard for those who are trying to run things smoothly when they have to pick up the slack of those not willing to help out.  It doesn't have to be a calling, it could be as simple as saying the prayer when asked.

I know there are instances when a "no" is necessary.  I know there are times when one physically cannot help.  I get that. 

But can if you can, you should.  If you can but it's scary, you should.  If you can but it seems hard, you should.  If you can but it's outside of your comfort zone or new to you, you should.  If you can but it would be inconvenient, you should.

This isn't just coming from me.  This is what the Lord said.  That's what He did.  That's why we're here.  The church recently embarked on a new Ministering program.  How can we truly minister to one another if we're not willing to say yes? The church can't run without its members.

We all need to do our dang part.  We all need to step it up and help when it's needed.

We need to stop saying no.

There.  I said my piece.

Tender Mercies

We're broke.

Ok, maybe not completely, but since I hadn't worked for a bit and now I'm making half of what I was, before, we're finding we need to make some very big adjustments to our spending habits.  As in, nix them.  Haha

A friend of mine and I were talking the other day and she mentioned buying new plants for her yard.  It made me think about all the stuff we can't buy recreationally and I was sad.  I don't need plants for my yard but the thought that I can't even expect anything for Mother's day just made me sad.  (I even had to use all my birthday money for bills.  Yuck.)

A few days, ago, a friend posted some things she was getting rid of since they're moving.  While I was there, she offered me a plant.  Then today, as I was throwing something away at my current job (I'm cleaning houses for rich people - nothing glamorous), I saw they were throwing away a perfectly good plant.  I took it home.

As I was cleaning the one up and making it a home on my front porch near the other one, a thought occurred to me:  What sweet gifts from Heaven!  Heavenly Father knows our needs.  But more than that, he knows the desires of our heart.  My favorite Mother's day gift is greenery of some sort.  He knows I don't just need a better paying job, I needed something to make my heart happy.

I'm grateful for tender mercies and the little signs from Heaven that I'm loved.

40

I'm 40, today.  Forty.  The big 4-0. 

Some people say it's all downhill from here.  

I feel like I'm just getting started.

I have this sort of panicky, times almost running out feeling, though.  Kind of like, I better get things done that I want to do because... you know, halfway there and all that.  

Though, I don't feel like I'm halfway there.  My granny recently passed away at 89.  My dad said it best:  She lived till the very end.

That's what I want.  I want to look back with no regrets.  I want to live till the very end.  I always used to say I will live till 100, but as long as I fully live, I don't think my dying age matters.

Have I been doing that, so far? 

I think so.  

I'm sure there are plenty of moments where I felt I was wasting my life away *ahemNetflixcough* but I read something recently that I really liked:

I really love that.  Everything in my life, good or bad, productive or otherwise, has led me to this moment.  I'm ok with that. 

I feel like my bucket-o-potential runneth over, though.  I have this itch to do something about that.  I have some ideas as to what; I've had them for a while.  My previous post sort of started all of this soul-searching.  Taking that next step is the scary part.  But, I'm 40, now - I can do hard things! ha!

I'm thankful for where I'm at in my life.  I'm in a good place; right where I'm supposed to be.

Here's to 40 more good ones and then some!

Why I Got Fired.

Nothing gets one looking inward quite like rejection.

I was fired last Friday from a job that I thought was going to be pretty great.

I had a job that was ok.  I didn't love it but it paid well and the hours were ideal.  I dreaded it, though, so I looked for the proverbial greener grass.

{I'm writing this out as a way to solidify my closure... and because I know some might be curious.}

I was hired to work the front desk at a physical therapy office.  I've worked the front desk in various medical and dental office settings so this was going to be easy.

The training was going as well as could be expected, or so I thought.  It was one person training me - the office manager.  She and I seemed to hit it off right from the start.  They even hired me at a higher rate than they normally would because they must've really wanted me and what I had to offer.

I worked 8am-12pm for only five days, M-F.  By the end of my day, there, Thursday, I was under the impression because of some of the things the office manager had said that I was doing well and things were good.

Then comes Friday.  She's impatient, tight-mouthed, and almost rude to me for a good part of my four hours at work.  The rest of the time she didn't even talk to me.  I just did stuff I knew needed to be done until she told me there was nothing left and I could just go ahead and go.

Thirty minutes after I left, she called and told me after talking it over with the PT, they decided I wasn't going to work out.  I asked why.  I was seriously shocked.  She said I wasn't "coachable" and "didn't take direction well" and that I had made several sarcastic comments during or about her teaching.  I had no idea what she was talking about.  But, that was that.  I was not to come back.

Since then, I've been on a roller coaster of emotions.  I felt the depression of feeling like a failure.  Today was anger.  Now, I actually feel I'm at the "ok" part of the healing process.

Looking back over the week, I could see a pattern.  She kept mentioning her "OCD" which I just brushed off as something a lot of people joke about having.  Then I realized how many times during the day she used hand sanitizer.  I know it's a weird thing, but she also had her very own bathroom separate from everyone else's.  She also seemed to have control issues.  As she would be teaching me to do things, she would have me do it a very specific way.  She would pop her knuckles, which I noticed she would do if she seemed frustrated.  There were things I did differently because it just worked better for me.  For example, she had me put together some new patient packets.  They had to be in a certain order, so I was going to do just that.  But the way I was going to do it wasn't how she did it so she had me do it her way.  "You'll be faster this way."  Well, I wasn't.  So, I switched to my way which was more efficient and got the job done right just as well as her way.  I asked her during the "firing phone call" if this is one of the reasons.  She actually said yes.

Thursday towards the end of my shift I mentioned I'm Mormon.  Then Friday she's cold towards me.  I don't know if this is part of the "why" but why the sudden change?

These are things I've run over in my head all weekend as I've tried to make sense of why in the world I would be fired.  I was getting the routine.  I was learning the computer system.  I was even great with the patients.

Then why? I didn't want it to be like I was trying to place or find blame with her or them if it was really something in me that was lacking.

I also recall thinking early that Friday that she was going to be a very hard person to work with.  Our personalities clashed.  Not at first, though.  I don't know if she was hoping for someone without a mind of their own who would just do everything her way but that person most certainly isn't me.  The person before me only lasted a year.  I'm not surprised.

I'm not exaggerating things.  I think I'm telling myself that more than any potential readers.  I really don't want to be the person who protests they're not at fault when they really are.  I truly do not believe I was at fault in this situation.

As I'm striving to regain my confidence and remind myself that I am actually good at what I do and that I truly do learn well, it occurs to me this was never a me problem.  This was and is a her problem.  So really, she did me a favor.  I wouldn't be able to work with someone like that.  And she obviously wasn't able to work with someone like me.

Anyway.  That's my take on the situation.  Time to move on - I'm ready, now.

Worth a Piece of Gum

When I was in Jr High, I got the foolish notion to start hanging out with a new group of "friends".  They were middle-class cool.  I wasn't on the "coolness" scale if you will, I was just a background singer in the High School musical that was my life.  So I thought, this could be good.  My real friends thought it was a jerk move, I'm sure.

One day during math class, one of my new "friends" noticed a guy sitting near us had some gum.  So, naturally, she held out her hand and pretty much non-verbally demanded a piece.  He gave her some, of course, because he, too, was middle-class cool.  (Middle-class cool means he wasn't a football player or a cheerleader; you know, upper-class cool - and he, in particular, was not a nice boy.  He was a jerk-face to a lot of people, so I'm not surprised by what came next.)  Well, me being a part of this new group decided I fit right in and held out my hand, too, with the attitude of I totally deserve a piece of that gum because I'm just as cool.  He looked at me like I was an idiot and didn't give me a piece.  Still, I held out my hand like, dude.  I deserve a piece of gum.  He still didn't give me one.

That "friendship" didn't last long.  I quickly realized they weren't the kind of people I would hang out with.  They talked about dumb things (boys and kissing boys) and really, they weren't very nice to pretty much anyone who wasn't part of their group.  I'm not that kind of person.  So, though we still grouped/partnered/whatever in classes we had together, I stopped hanging out with them in general. 

Anyway, my point is this:  Lately, I've been feeling so much like I don't deserve a piece of gum.  I feel like I've been putting up a front, trying to keep this facade of who I want people to think I am.  A good mom, a good wife, a good person... I've been battling a lot of negative self-talk, lately, and it's growing harder to quiet that ugly voice in my head.  "You're a fake.  You're not good at this.  You actually quite suck at this.  You so do not have it all together.  Who are you kidding? It doesn't matter what you do, anyway.  No one cares.  No one listens.  Just stop trying.  You're not good enough for this.  You're an idiot.  You don't deserve the gum."

You know what? That voice is wrong.  That voice is a liar.  That voice lost the fight and wants me to lose, too.  I value the opinion of that voice even less than I did that cocky soccer player in my math class.  Why am I listening to it? Why do I even let it have space in my thoughts?

I AM good enough, I DO my best, I NEVER QUIT.  I buy my own dang gum and share it with anyone who wants a piece. (Seriously, though - I almost always have gum if you need some.)

It has been so hard to tell it to "get thee hence".  I've been praying that I don't stop hearing the voice that matters, that I don't get dragged down to the deep abyss of seemingly no return.  Please don't let me drown.  In those moments, a small thought enters my mind - what sort of greatness am I capable of, is in my future, that the adversary feels so threatened right now? What kind of power do I wield that he feels the need to take me down so intensely? I've set some goals for the year... well, more just things I want to make better.  Not huge, unobtainable things, just things that will help me find the joy in my life.  Is this going to have such a positive impact that the adversary can't allow this to happen?

Good always wins.  It's already won.  He's already lost.  He's a loser.  I, on the other hand, am not.  And I have the Lord on my side.  I have everything.  The adversary has nothing.  Nothing.

Shoving Myself Out of My Comfort Zone

I did something last night, that I'm a little bit freaking out about, today.

I committed to something.

It's kind of a big thing.

I've been toying with the idea of committing to this since I first learned about it several months, ago.

There was an added bonus to the outcome of this commitment should I have taken the leap, last night.

So I did.

And it's freaking me out.

1.  I have commitment issues.

2.  This will be a life-changer.

3.  I struggle with change.  I so love my comfort zone, no matter how growth-stunting it may be.

4.  What if I don't succeed?

5.  I'm actually going to have to get off my butt and work... make changes and all that.

If I succeed, though, the outcome with be amazing.

1.  Because I triumphed.

2.  Because I'll likely feel pretty great...

3.  ...because I'll likely look pretty great.

4.  I'll have a nice chunk of money in my pocket for something I want (nay, need) money for.

5.  It will have hopefully created some lasting life-changing habits.

My comfort zone has been obliterated.

I first heard about Healthy Wager quite a while, ago... I thought it was too good to be true.  I've done a bit of research on it, since, and found it's totally legit.  I've hesitated going forward with it because... well, see the reasons above.

But, last night I did it.  I committed.

1.  We have a small family gathering of sorts coming up in June that I want to look better for.

2.  I'm pushing 40.  My knees are hurting.  My hips don't like me sometimes.  My blood work hasn't been favorable, lately.  I need to shape up or my body's going to ship out.

3.  That's all.  I just needed to do something.  And because of the reasons listed above, I usually avoid anything that might make things better in my life.

My point in posting this is to try to get others to join me.  Join me! You'll get paid for your success!! It's super simple and scary but could be so great!

Click here if you're feeling brave.  Or just curious.  ;)