**We don't have the doggie, anymore. We rehomed her to a different family a few weeks, ago. We didn't want to risk losing our house - it's on our lease that we can't have one. That was our deciding factor in keeping her or not.**
Some things I know about myself:
* I'm spontaneous.
* I don't do well with change.
* I'm very independent.
We recently got a new puppy. Now read the above descriptors, again.
Our {my} world has been turned upside-down.
We were super excited. We had wanted one for a while. She was perfect. Her name is Amaya {Mya}.
I'm writing because, for me, it's therapeutic.
I have a confession...
I don't love having a puppy.
I've been struggling. I sorely miss being able to leave the house whenever I want or shower whenever I want or pee whenever I want or go to bed whenever I want... I miss my freedom. I miss my easy-going comfort zone. I miss being able to eat on the couch.
The last time I felt this way {albeit slightly worse} was after I had my babies.
I had severe postpartum depression after each one. It was a hell I wouldn't wish on anyone.
All of those ugly memories and feelings of despair and anguish are being triggered and brought to the surface all over, again. All because of a tiny creature that should invoke joy but instead makes me not only dread waking up in the morning but going to bed at night and everything in between.
I strongly dislike that this is so hard for me. I wish I could love having a puppy, more. I wish I could've loved having my babies, more.
I wish I could treat my anxiety issues without medication or anything complicated like diet and exercise {ha}.
I can't tell my family. I feel like a heartless person for wanting to give her back or pass her on to another family; for wanting my old life, back. For changing my mind and not feeling more concerned about juggling the life of an innocent animal.
I know life will go on. I know {hope} she'll grow out of the need to chew on everything and will eventually be a better listener. I know eventually she'll realize peeing in the loft is not what Hamblins do.
If I can survive postpartum depression, surely I can survive postpuppy depression.
Thursday, May 24, 2018
Friday, May 4, 2018
Another Perspective...
First, do I know how to create drama or what?
I'm a strongly-opinionated person. Anyone who knows me knows this. I'm sure most have a love/hate relationship with that part of my personality. I don't need to know which. ;)
So, once upon a time, I had a calling. It was on a most hectic day of the week. I happened to also say I would bring someone dinner on one of these particular days. I also had dinner for my own family to make. I also had four kids and homework and a husband still at work. I ended up being late to a pretty big event which frustrated someone who was depending on me. That person didn't know what the rest of my day looked like, just that I had let them down. I was a stressed out mess and felt horrible for not being able to do it all.
And it's because I didn't say no.
Fast-forward to a different day. It was a Saturday afternoon. I was asked to sub in a class in church the next day. I was an anxiety-ridden mess (again) for whatever reason and really struggled with what was being asked of me. Then I did something I had pretty much never done.
I said no.
I explained it just wasn't in the stars for me that weekend and that realistically, I could not be depended on to come through on this particular task. I would be an even hotter mess and feel badly about not doing it to the best of my ability.
I know sometimes we have to say no. I really do know that.
When I was put into this calling, I was so excited. I cried. I've wanted this for so long. I felt I had so much love to give and wanted so badly to serve in this capacity. I knew this was actually something I could do well. (2nd Counselor in the Relief Society)
Then my first meeting took place. That was where I realized how heavy the burden is for the leaders of our ward and most likely, church. I learned things that saddened me. Not the things I mentioned in my last post. I learned things that weighed heavily on my heart. I know this comes with the territory. I prayed that night for help carrying the load I was helping carry, myself. I felt lighter with that prayer and a greater love for those I get to serve.
So, for the most part, I know the "why" when people say no. I know there are reasons beyond just not feeling like it or thinking it might be too hard. I do know.
In my last post, I was very... how you say? Blunt. Straight-forward. No beating around the bush. And I meant every word. But I did not mean it for those who say no and have every reason to. I know from personal experience that sometimes you just have to.
But I also know a little bit of what it takes to keep this ward moving forward. I know that it takes many hands to do this work. I know that there are likely hands that could be helping but are choosing not to. So, here's how I would like to reword the point I wanted to make in my last post but probably could've worded better:
When you're asked to help, really ask yourself - can I do this? If it seems hard, and it might very well be, pray about it. In the strength of the Lord, we can do all things. We can do hard things. He gives us what we need to learn and grow and help those in our church. We need to be there for each other. I know there are things that will be asked of us that will stretch us. I know there are things that will be asked of us that will shove us right out of our comfort zones. I know that there will be things that are asked of us that we've never done or that we just don't feel like doing. It's those things that are meant to help us build character. It's those things that are to strengthen us and bring us closer to each other and therefore the Lord. Sometimes He gives us hard things so we WILL go to Him for help. He knows what we're capable of; He knows what we're made of. And He'll be there with us every step of the way. So if you're able, and someone needs help or you're called to a position that scares you a little bit, pray about it. Do some soul searching. I think you will be amazed at what you find when you dig deep. I think you'll be amazed at what you learn about yourself when you allow yourself to open up and try something new or scary or hard.
The ward and the church need all of its members. We all play an important role whether we recognize that or not. Be it big or small, we count. All of us. If you need to say no, if there's no way you can do what you're asked to do, then by all means, say no. But please be willing to help where you can. You're needed. We all are.
I love my calling. I genuinely love the people I serve and serve with. It's a gift I've been given to love others. I cherish that gift. I never would ever want someone to feel sad or judged because of something I have said or done. I'm not sorry for who I am. I'm a passionate, expressive person who sometimes doesn't know when to keep her mouth shut or think before she speaks (or blogs). But I'm also someone you can trust. I'm like Vegas. I will always be real with you and you will never have to wonder what is going through my mind. Mostly because I'll probably just blog about it. ;)
I'm a strongly-opinionated person. Anyone who knows me knows this. I'm sure most have a love/hate relationship with that part of my personality. I don't need to know which. ;)
So, once upon a time, I had a calling. It was on a most hectic day of the week. I happened to also say I would bring someone dinner on one of these particular days. I also had dinner for my own family to make. I also had four kids and homework and a husband still at work. I ended up being late to a pretty big event which frustrated someone who was depending on me. That person didn't know what the rest of my day looked like, just that I had let them down. I was a stressed out mess and felt horrible for not being able to do it all.
And it's because I didn't say no.
Fast-forward to a different day. It was a Saturday afternoon. I was asked to sub in a class in church the next day. I was an anxiety-ridden mess (again) for whatever reason and really struggled with what was being asked of me. Then I did something I had pretty much never done.
I said no.
I explained it just wasn't in the stars for me that weekend and that realistically, I could not be depended on to come through on this particular task. I would be an even hotter mess and feel badly about not doing it to the best of my ability.
I know sometimes we have to say no. I really do know that.
When I was put into this calling, I was so excited. I cried. I've wanted this for so long. I felt I had so much love to give and wanted so badly to serve in this capacity. I knew this was actually something I could do well. (2nd Counselor in the Relief Society)
Then my first meeting took place. That was where I realized how heavy the burden is for the leaders of our ward and most likely, church. I learned things that saddened me. Not the things I mentioned in my last post. I learned things that weighed heavily on my heart. I know this comes with the territory. I prayed that night for help carrying the load I was helping carry, myself. I felt lighter with that prayer and a greater love for those I get to serve.
So, for the most part, I know the "why" when people say no. I know there are reasons beyond just not feeling like it or thinking it might be too hard. I do know.
In my last post, I was very... how you say? Blunt. Straight-forward. No beating around the bush. And I meant every word. But I did not mean it for those who say no and have every reason to. I know from personal experience that sometimes you just have to.
But I also know a little bit of what it takes to keep this ward moving forward. I know that it takes many hands to do this work. I know that there are likely hands that could be helping but are choosing not to. So, here's how I would like to reword the point I wanted to make in my last post but probably could've worded better:
When you're asked to help, really ask yourself - can I do this? If it seems hard, and it might very well be, pray about it. In the strength of the Lord, we can do all things. We can do hard things. He gives us what we need to learn and grow and help those in our church. We need to be there for each other. I know there are things that will be asked of us that will stretch us. I know there are things that will be asked of us that will shove us right out of our comfort zones. I know that there will be things that are asked of us that we've never done or that we just don't feel like doing. It's those things that are meant to help us build character. It's those things that are to strengthen us and bring us closer to each other and therefore the Lord. Sometimes He gives us hard things so we WILL go to Him for help. He knows what we're capable of; He knows what we're made of. And He'll be there with us every step of the way. So if you're able, and someone needs help or you're called to a position that scares you a little bit, pray about it. Do some soul searching. I think you will be amazed at what you find when you dig deep. I think you'll be amazed at what you learn about yourself when you allow yourself to open up and try something new or scary or hard.
The ward and the church need all of its members. We all play an important role whether we recognize that or not. Be it big or small, we count. All of us. If you need to say no, if there's no way you can do what you're asked to do, then by all means, say no. But please be willing to help where you can. You're needed. We all are.
I love my calling. I genuinely love the people I serve and serve with. It's a gift I've been given to love others. I cherish that gift. I never would ever want someone to feel sad or judged because of something I have said or done. I'm not sorry for who I am. I'm a passionate, expressive person who sometimes doesn't know when to keep her mouth shut or think before she speaks (or blogs). But I'm also someone you can trust. I'm like Vegas. I will always be real with you and you will never have to wonder what is going through my mind. Mostly because I'll probably just blog about it. ;)
Thursday, May 3, 2018
Why I Will Always Say Yes
When we lived in Billings, MT, we had a house we were trying to sell in Gillette, WY.
Shortly after we moved, there was a big storm that caused a lot of damage to trees. We had, I think, eight trees on our property which meant our yard was covered in broken branches and leaves. Literally covered. No one was living there so we had to drive the three hours to go clean up the yard to keep it in selling condition.
Enter: The Tyners. Some of the best people you'll ever meet. They opted to drive down with us to help us with the clean-up. I was amazed at their willingness to serve us, people they only barely knew.
During our time in Billings, we were blessed by the Tyners many times as well as many others in the ward. It was the greatest ward I've ever lived in. We were family. People loved one another and were always ready and willing to step up and help.
I've been thinking about this post for a while. It might be seen as offensive. Or, maybe a wake-up call. I don't know. But I've never been one to keep my opinion to myself.
I'm now in a position of somewhat leadership in my current ward and, though it's been a short time, I've been made aware of a very sad fact:
People say no.
I was living under the naive impression that people were generally willing to do their part; people were ready to step outside of their comfort zones and cowboy-up. I thought people were generally willing to be there for each other. I thought people might hesitate at the thought of something they've never done or something that might seem hard but for the most part, would allow themselves to be stretched by the task that was asked of them and go forth as the Lord would have us do.
But... they're not.
I'm saddened by this.
The Lord says serve, so we serve. At least, that's how it's supposed to be.
But it's not. It's like pulling dang teeth.
It's frustrating. It's disheartening.
So what if something's hard or might be inconvenient? So what if it's something you've never done before? So what if you're busy? So dang what if it's scary?
I mean, my goodness. Get with it, people. Stop saying no. Start doing what the Lord wants you to do and even sometimes calls you to do. Those in authority in the church might not know your situation but the Lord does. And I can tell you, a lot of prayer goes into the issuing of callings. I know this. The Lord is very much a part of who is asked to help. He knows it's going to be uncomfortable or hard or inconvenient. But that's why we're here, isn't it? To grow? No one ever got stronger by lifting feathers. My dad said, "If you're comfortable, you're not growing."
It makes it so hard for those who are trying to run things smoothly when they have to pick up the slack of those not willing to help out. It doesn't have to be a calling, it could be as simple as saying the prayer when asked.
I know there are instances when a "no" is necessary. I know there are times when one physically cannot help. I get that.
But can if you can, you should. If you can but it's scary, you should. If you can but it seems hard, you should. If you can but it's outside of your comfort zone or new to you, you should. If you can but it would be inconvenient, you should.
This isn't just coming from me. This is what the Lord said. That's what He did. That's why we're here. The church recently embarked on a new Ministering program. How can we truly minister to one another if we're not willing to say yes? The church can't run without its members.
We all need to do our dang part. We all need to step it up and help when it's needed.
We need to stop saying no.
There. I said my piece.
Shortly after we moved, there was a big storm that caused a lot of damage to trees. We had, I think, eight trees on our property which meant our yard was covered in broken branches and leaves. Literally covered. No one was living there so we had to drive the three hours to go clean up the yard to keep it in selling condition.
Enter: The Tyners. Some of the best people you'll ever meet. They opted to drive down with us to help us with the clean-up. I was amazed at their willingness to serve us, people they only barely knew.
During our time in Billings, we were blessed by the Tyners many times as well as many others in the ward. It was the greatest ward I've ever lived in. We were family. People loved one another and were always ready and willing to step up and help.
I've been thinking about this post for a while. It might be seen as offensive. Or, maybe a wake-up call. I don't know. But I've never been one to keep my opinion to myself.
I'm now in a position of somewhat leadership in my current ward and, though it's been a short time, I've been made aware of a very sad fact:
People say no.
I was living under the naive impression that people were generally willing to do their part; people were ready to step outside of their comfort zones and cowboy-up. I thought people were generally willing to be there for each other. I thought people might hesitate at the thought of something they've never done or something that might seem hard but for the most part, would allow themselves to be stretched by the task that was asked of them and go forth as the Lord would have us do.
But... they're not.
I'm saddened by this.
The Lord says serve, so we serve. At least, that's how it's supposed to be.
But it's not. It's like pulling dang teeth.
It's frustrating. It's disheartening.
So what if something's hard or might be inconvenient? So what if it's something you've never done before? So what if you're busy? So dang what if it's scary?
I mean, my goodness. Get with it, people. Stop saying no. Start doing what the Lord wants you to do and even sometimes calls you to do. Those in authority in the church might not know your situation but the Lord does. And I can tell you, a lot of prayer goes into the issuing of callings. I know this. The Lord is very much a part of who is asked to help. He knows it's going to be uncomfortable or hard or inconvenient. But that's why we're here, isn't it? To grow? No one ever got stronger by lifting feathers. My dad said, "If you're comfortable, you're not growing."
It makes it so hard for those who are trying to run things smoothly when they have to pick up the slack of those not willing to help out. It doesn't have to be a calling, it could be as simple as saying the prayer when asked.
I know there are instances when a "no" is necessary. I know there are times when one physically cannot help. I get that.
But can if you can, you should. If you can but it's scary, you should. If you can but it seems hard, you should. If you can but it's outside of your comfort zone or new to you, you should. If you can but it would be inconvenient, you should.
This isn't just coming from me. This is what the Lord said. That's what He did. That's why we're here. The church recently embarked on a new Ministering program. How can we truly minister to one another if we're not willing to say yes? The church can't run without its members.
We all need to do our dang part. We all need to step it up and help when it's needed.
We need to stop saying no.
There. I said my piece.
Wednesday, May 2, 2018
Tender Mercies
We're broke.
Ok, maybe not completely, but since I hadn't worked for a bit and now I'm making half of what I was, before, we're finding we need to make some very big adjustments to our spending habits. As in, nix them. Haha
A friend of mine and I were talking the other day and she mentioned buying new plants for her yard. It made me think about all the stuff we can't buy recreationally and I was sad. I don't need plants for my yard but the thought that I can't even expect anything for Mother's day just made me sad. (I even had to use all my birthday money for bills. Yuck.)
A few days, ago, a friend posted some things she was getting rid of since they're moving. While I was there, she offered me a plant. Then today, as I was throwing something away at my current job (I'm cleaning houses for rich people - nothing glamorous), I saw they were throwing away a perfectly good plant. I took it home.
As I was cleaning the one up and making it a home on my front porch near the other one, a thought occurred to me: What sweet gifts from Heaven! Heavenly Father knows our needs. But more than that, he knows the desires of our heart. My favorite Mother's day gift is greenery of some sort. He knows I don't just need a better paying job, I needed something to make my heart happy.
I'm grateful for tender mercies and the little signs from Heaven that I'm loved.
Ok, maybe not completely, but since I hadn't worked for a bit and now I'm making half of what I was, before, we're finding we need to make some very big adjustments to our spending habits. As in, nix them. Haha
A friend of mine and I were talking the other day and she mentioned buying new plants for her yard. It made me think about all the stuff we can't buy recreationally and I was sad. I don't need plants for my yard but the thought that I can't even expect anything for Mother's day just made me sad. (I even had to use all my birthday money for bills. Yuck.)
A few days, ago, a friend posted some things she was getting rid of since they're moving. While I was there, she offered me a plant. Then today, as I was throwing something away at my current job (I'm cleaning houses for rich people - nothing glamorous), I saw they were throwing away a perfectly good plant. I took it home.
As I was cleaning the one up and making it a home on my front porch near the other one, a thought occurred to me: What sweet gifts from Heaven! Heavenly Father knows our needs. But more than that, he knows the desires of our heart. My favorite Mother's day gift is greenery of some sort. He knows I don't just need a better paying job, I needed something to make my heart happy.
I'm grateful for tender mercies and the little signs from Heaven that I'm loved.
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