About a year, ago, I wrote about my phone dying. (My last post.)
I was feeling so discouraged and frustrated, I needed to remind myself of the things I had instead of dwelling on the things I didn't have.
Little did I know what would be my lot a year later... The lot of the whole world, actually.
More than ever I find myself making an effort to be grateful. Some days are easier than others.
Our world has been turned upside-down. I'm acutely self-aware and know that in order to function effectively, I need time to be by myself. I'm also convinced I'm high-functioning (mostly) OCD. I know a lot of people say they have it as a quirk to their personality, but I feel I would actually be diagnosed with it, if given the chance. Having my family home when they're not supposed to be and using food and consumer goods more than we're used to using and messing things up and being noisy when things are normally clean and quiet has been rocking my boat. On top of that, I've had to amend my normal daily schedule to include homeschooling on top of working full time and trying to arrange for a house transfer. (We're moving.)
For about a week or two, I began spiraling deep into a debilitating mixture of anxiety and depression. I think my subconscious was sensing the coming stay-at-home order because this all happened before we were largely encouraged to stop living our lives as we knew them.
If any of you know anything about me, you know I have a relationship with my Heavenly Father. I went to Him in prayer one night, giving Him my burden that was growing increasingly unstable. He took it and impressed upon my mind, "It will be ok".
The next morning I awoke refreshed and ready for anything because I knew I was not alone and that everything would, in fact, be ok.
I started noticing things that bring me joy among all the chaos:
My gas budget is very pretty, right now. Not driving hardly anywhere combined with the lower gas prices has given us a nice chunk of change to tuck away.
My kids have expressed the desire to hang out with each other more than friends and have been playing together and inventing games and creating an atmosphere of fun (messes).
My whole family is home and safe and healthy.
My husband and I are both blessed to be able to work from home without losing any time or income and I could not be more grateful for this. What a huge blessing.
My two oldest kids were already doing online school so I didn't have to come up with ways to teach to high school kids (my 5th grade math skills are being challenged enough, right now... haha).
I have everyone home to help clean and pack up our house, a task I am used to doing by myself. That's been nicer than I thought.
My kids have amazing teachers and an amazing school. The supplemental resources they have been providing have greatly boosted the curriculum I devised on my own. I'm glad for this.
I avoided social media for a bit because of all the panic posts... now I see all the good and positivity being shared by so many. People are inherently good and are finding it in themselves and I love this.
I wanted to record these things because writing is my passion; I love words and putting my thoughts into them. I want to be able to look back and see that we made it through. I want the reminder that when times are hard that all I have to do is pray and I'll remember I'm not alone - that everything will be ok.
A year from now, I'll be preparing for my second child graduation and my third child will have the Priesthood. My kids will be in school and though I'll be enjoying the "alone time", I'll probably miss my family a little and remember to cherish every moment I have with them. My oldest will likely be out of the house and we'll probably feel that absence, greatly. We'll have been in our new house for a year and will hopefully have all the boxes unpacked. haha
It'll be nice to look back and be glad I'm not in this, anymore.
