Goals. Again.

I always say I'm not going to set any resolution-type goals, but, then I do.

I said I wasn't going to, again, this coming year.  But, seriously, within the same thought process, I set two.  Ok, three.

1.  No pop.  All year.  Achievable? Totally.

2.  No candy.  All.  Year.   Achievable? You know, I had a friend, once, who did this... her mom paid her $100 for succeeding.  Seeing as I don't even realizing I'm eating candy until I'm reaching for my second or third piece, this one will take some focus and constant reminding.  So, I'm telling the world.  I'll tell the cashier at Walmart, too, if I have to.  I will do this.

3.  Our library is having a challenge to read one book per week, this year.  It has to be 200+ pages long, any genre, including young adult.  I think this would be super cool to do.  Now to find the time...

That's all.  Three goals.  Easy (ish) ones.

Happy New Year!

******  Added, later  ******

Also, I have a gratitude journal I'm going to write in, every day.

There.  I'm done.

Christmas is Good.

Every year, I try to do something creative for our cool advent train.  (We still love it, Dan and Cherstin!)  I get a few gripes about some of them, but do I care? Nope.  Try and stop me.

This year, in hopes of keeping the true spirit of Christmas alive, I came up with random acts of kindness for our family to do.

The creativity started out fresh, but thanks to a new job, followed by a quick change of heart/mind leading to quitting said job, followed by a tonsillectomy for a small patient, with a whole bunch of sharp chest pain-causing stress in between, the creativity started lagging towards the end.

We left signs of Joy, Peace and Hope in people's yards.  We called random numbers and sang, "We Wish You a Merry Christmas".  We left many gifts of symbolic Christmas cheer on many unsuspecting door knobs.  We stuck fun window clings on someone's car windows.  We brought treats to a lonely neighbor that were received by very big hugs.  We even rang bells throughout neighborhoods on Christmas eve.

The point of all this was to help the wise men follow the star to find Christ on Christmas day. 

They made it, slowly but surely, getting stuck a few times due to obstacles of contention or forgetfulness of the mover.  But they made it.  

Santa always leaves baby Jesus under our tree as the first gift of Christmas. 

How truly grateful I am for that gift.  

I don't know how I would've survived the last few weeks without Him.  

I'm looking forward to a new year, hopefully a soon-found new job, and new challenges. 

Yes, I said challenges.  New ones.  Mostly because the I'm so done with the old ones.  ha ha ha  

But one doesn't become strong by lifting the light things, do they?

Merry Christmas.  :)

3 down, 1 to go

I remember when my daughter, who's 11, now, started kindergarten.  I was thrilled! I had no more kids at home and I was ready to get out and work.  I had a job lined up and everything.

Then I got pregnant.

I was used to high-risk pregnancies and didn't want to chance it, so I never started the job and prepared for our third child.

That child is now starting kindergarten.

Seems like 100 years ago, I took the preggo test and failed.  Or is it passed? ha ha

Either way, wouldn't trade him for the world.  He's a sweet little sweetie.

I'd post pics but I'm too lazy to track down my camera.  Someday.  ;)

Gratitouille, part deux

I went outside, just now, to see the moon.

I was standing on my back porch, reveling in the awesomeness that is my perfect backyard.

I was looking up at the stars and wishing my husband was with me, because I feel like talking to him.  I usually do at this hour when he's trying to sleep.  (He's at Scout Camp, this week.)

I'm just thankful, tonight.  It's a good night.

Am I really here?

For a week or so, I've been doing a LOT of eye-rolling.

I mean, really... all the graduations are nauseating.

Preschool? 8th grade? Seriously?

Fast forward to tonight:

I'm sitting at my son's 6th grade "graduation".  He didn't wear a lame paper tasseled hat.  He didn't wear a mock gown or get handed a "diploma".  But they called it a graduation, nonetheless.

They even had cake.

But, I'm sitting there, and I'm watching the video his teacher put together of all the pictures he's taken throughout the year... and I may or may not have been sniffling, a little...

...and I think, "How did we get here?".

I know it may seem trivial to some.  It would've to me, had I been hearing of someone else's kid "graduating" 6th grade or spending their last days in Elementary school.

But... my oldest.  He's going into Middle School.  He's made friends he so very clearly meshes so very well with.  He's finding himself.  He's learning what he's good at and what he loves.

And I've been along for the journey.  I've had the opportunity and pleasure of seeing him learn and grow and change into the person he's going to be.

What a ride!

So I say, celebrate.  Take those mediocre milestones and embrace them, because they might not be the biggest accomplishment in a child's life, but they're an accomplishment, nonetheless.

And not just for the child, but for the parent, too.

Well-timed blessings

Our house finally sold!

And we're finally buying a house!

And I'm so excited!!

The Lord in His great Awesomeness never ceases to amaze me.

Multifaceted

I've been working outside of my home for two weeks, now.

I grew up wanting to be a stay-at-home-mom.  I thought I'd be good at it; wanted to be there for my kids and all, just like my mom was for my siblings and me.

I used to even judge those who chose to work and didn't have to.  I never understood why they'd want to give up this precious and ever-fleeting time they were missing with their kids.  I felt sorry for them in their poor choices.  I haven't been this way, for a while, but once upon a time, I was.

Thinking back to when I had my first baby, I had it very stuck in my head that nursing was it; nursing was the very best thing a mother could do for her baby and that's what I was going to do.  Nurse.  No pacifiers, no bottles, nothing of the artificial nipple sort of any kind.  Strictly nurse.

Then I had my baby... and tried nursing.  For two months, even.  He cried.  And cried.  And cried.  He was never satisfied, never seemed to latch on properly, always took forever on each side, just to be hungry, all over, again.  I was frustrated.  And stressed.  And not sleeping.

One night, my mother-in-law, after probably listening to us struggle, yet, again, for what seemed like hours, came downstairs (I lived in her basement, at the time) and offered to make me a bottle.  I was feeling quite defeated.  I accepted, reluctantly.

And you know what? It worked.  My baby ate.  And slept.  And I slept.  And this continued for pretty much his whole liquid diet career.  He was happy.  I was happy.

I still think nursing can be the best thing for a baby.  If it works.  It just didn't work for me.  And that was ok.  I bottle-fed all four of my kids and they turned out just fine.  We bonded just fine.  They are all healthy and well-rounded individuals who are seriously turning out just fine.

I mention this because staying at home just hasn't been working for me.  I have always felt restless, but didn't quite know what to do about it.  I couldn't work - that would mean putting my kids in a daycare.  That word's been like a four-letter word to me and I wanted to avoid it with everything in my power.  I'm a control freak and didn't want anyone else raising my kids.  That was MY job.

But I'm working.  And my kids are in daycare.  And they're fine.  They're happy.  They love it, even.  I love doing something I'm (getting) good at and getting PAID for it, even.  It's great!

And we're fine.  We still get time, together.  I still get to have the biggest influence on my children.  We're still bonded.

It's all good.

Plan B... or something like that.

The contract on our house fell through.

I'm back on facebook.

I haven't lost anymore weight.

I haven't gained any, either.

I haven't really been trying, though.

Ever feel like you've hit a dead end?

My son has GeoTrax.  He has a track piece that looks like this:



This is what comes to mind when I try to envision my life, right now.  I feel I've arrived at the part of the track that just ends.

No growth.  No learning.  No progression.

Nothing.

I'm in the process of re-evaluating this situation.

I think it has a lot to do with my spirituality and sanity levels.  Maybe even my motivation levels.

I've been babysitting.  I've gotten to the point in this vocation where I block it all out - I get on my computer or delve into my current book or whatever - whatever it takes to get away from the noise and the chaos and the kids and life (these are pretty much all the same thing, p.s.).

So, I'm stopping.  I'm burned out.  I've actually been burned out for quite a while, but had a good day/moment when I thought, Hey - I can do this, again!

Yeah, right.

I've written myself a letter explaining how this is a bad idea, should I ever try to do this, again, in the future.  My husband's assured me he'll shoot me if I even mention it.  (ha ha)

So, what now?

That's the question on my mind, lately, with a lot of things in my life.

What, now?

My house isn't selling, so what, now?

I haven't been losing weight, so what, now?

I have three rather large piles of (clean) laundry in three different rooms because of daycare distractions, so what, now?

I don't feel the connection with my Heavenly Father that I have in times, past, so what, now?

We've been eating out way too much because I'm too worn out from babysitting to make dinner and we've spent too much money doing this, so what, now?

As I type this, the song "Work Work" by Britney Spears is playing on my music-playing-device (clean version, of course).

That's my answer.  Stop being lazy.  Stop just waiting for something to happen.

Make it happen.  Get up.  Move.  Stop hiding in books or in computer land.  Just do it.

Do something about it, already.  Put the laundry away.  Read my scriptures.  Pray.  Exercise.  Stop eating out - put something in the dang crock pot, for crying out loud.

As for my house? What more can I do? Have faith.  Keep having faith.

I also have something new I'm checking out to hopefully bring more money into our home, but it's taking a smidge more research and soul searching before I publicly commit.  Should be fun, though.  A new adventure always is.

Lazy.  Procrastination.  Moping.  I need to cross these words out of my mental dictionary.  I need to step it up and bring my A game.

I need to be ME, again.

In other news...

Since I'm not getting on facebook for the month (and I'm still quite ok with this), I have to tell the world somehow...


WE SOLD OUR HOUSE!!!

Woohoo!!

That is all.

For the Record...

Today's one of those days I feel rejuvenated.  I feel ready for something new... something big.

I'm restarting what I had started many months, ago, that caused me to lose a lot of weight.  I've stalled over the holidays with only a 4-5 lb. loss since right before Thanksgiving.  Not too shabby, but it's time to get serious, again.  ;)

By the end of this month, I'm hoping to be down another few pounds... three would be nice.  Maybe four.  (Trying to be realistic.)  I'm going to step up my exercising and stop eating candy, again.  I don't drink pop, so that's helped.  Also, I'm going to refrain from eating anything that's had sugar added to it by man.  I'm also going to make better carb choices and be more aware of what I eat and when.  My water intake is going to increase to what it was, before, too, which is where it's supposed to be.

My ultimate goal, for the foreseeable future, is to be down another size by my birthday.  That gives me 2.5 months... If I can be down 10 lbs, by then, I think this would be doable.

And...... GO

Still No Facebook...

Day 5.

Still don't miss it.

I was reading through my blog, yesterday, going down memory lane...  It was nice.  :)

I've been spending more time OFF my computer because without facebook, what, really, is there to do but pay bills? BORRRING.

So, I'm off to read a book.  A real one.  With pages to turn and the smell of so many people who've read it, before me.  The good kind.

;)

Let. Go.

Not being on facebook leaves a lot of time for... pretty much everything else.  *wink*

I have a testimony of the Lord.  I know He's my Savior.  I know He's got my back.  I know He knows me and what I struggle with.

He knows me.

That means everything in my heart that's hurting, He knows.  Everything in my head that I'm so proud of, He knows.  Everything I want to make better, He knows.

He knows without me telling Him.

But if I don't tell Him, if I don't ask for His help, that line of communication isn't always open.  Like a parent watching their child struggling with a new task or something difficult, they want to jump in.  But the wise parent chooses not to.  They sit back and wait.  This gives their child the opportunity to see what they're made of.  It also gives them the opportunity to learn humility when they find they cannot accomplish the thing on their own.

So, they ask.  And the parent most willingly obliges.  They knew the child's struggle; knew what they were capable of, but still let them learn.

I love this about the Lord.  He knows what we're capable of, knows what we can handle, and lets us have the opportunity to see what we're made of.

Now for the humble part...

Detox

Day two of no facebook.  Can't say I miss it.

For real.

I just watched the Super*yawn* Bowl and I kept thinking, "I'm so glad I'm not on facebook, this month." (ha ha)

It was becoming such a habit to check it all the time.  It wasn't like I was super curious about anything or absolutely had to know what was going on in everyone's lives, it was just something I kept doing.  I found it was really starting to get old and annoying.  Which is partially why I set this goal, in the first place.  What a time waster!

Although it's been nice getting to know people that I've just been acquaintances with, in the past, I've learned new things, become politically literate (sort of), tried new recipes I've found, read touching stories, come across inspiring quotes, I was just getting so tired of it.

I saw something, the other day, on facebook, actually, that summed it up about right:



I'm finding it to be a very nice relief to not have this distraction in my life.  I'm not even having withdrawals.  (Yes, I know it's only day 2, but really, I do not miss it.  I don't see myself missing it.  Like, at all.)

If I do go back to using it, I want to only use it for communication purposes.  It really has been nice being connected with so many people.  There are some that I feel I could/would be good friends with if we were to ever be able to hang out, in person.

I'm excited to see what this week brings being facebook-free.  :)

Facebook-Free February

This year, I'm trying to set a goal (or more) for each month.

This month, well, February, my goal is to refrain from even visiting Facebook, even once.  I'm going to remove my easy tab from my bookmarks bar and everything.

So, if you need to get a hold of me, you can comment through this blog saying so.  Or you can email me.  If you want my address or phone number, you'll have to do one of these two things to get them.  :)

So, starting in a couple of days, I'll be off the grid.  Or something like that.  ;)

Why I Rock

I rock.

Ok, I may or may not be talking about how I get my kids to sleep.  ;)

You know, I'm four kids deep into this game, the one we call "Parenting"... motherhood, if you will.  I have my kids on an awesome sleep schedule.  And by awesome, I mean, I wouldn't have if my MIL hadn't introduced it to me.

In bed by 7:30pm.  Up by, well, whenever they feel like it, which is usually before 7am.  This is ok.  I like having this schedule.  I like knowing there's a specific time I can count down the minutes to every day.  I like knowing I have control over that part of my life.

Since my kids were wee bairns, I've rocked them.  I nursed my first one while rocking.  I fed bottles to the rest while rocking.  They would fall asleep in my arms, too.  I wouldn't lay them down, awake.

*GASP*  What??

I know, right?

Are you feeling sorry for me, yet? "You poor thing - you are teaching your children something horrible, they're never going to be able to sleep for themselves."

I used to actually believe that.

Well, here's the thing - four kids deep, remember? And three out of my four kids - wait for it - PUT THEMSELVES TO SLEEP.

Weird, right? After I so horribly did them the disfavor of doing it for them once-upon-a-time.

So, I've tried the cry-it-out method.  I've tried white noise.  I've tried music.  Nothing beat rocking for me.  I use to judge mothers who did this.  Rocked.  Why? Because of the whole doing them a disfavor thing.

I have been feeling the need to post something about this for a few days, now.  Maybe it's because I feel the need for some self-affirmation.  Whatever the case, here it is:

I rock.

I do it on purpose.  I used to try to get out of it.  I used to hate it.  I even tried to get my husband to do it, instead.

Now? I embrace it.  I choose it.  I even look forward to it.  I love it, even.

I look back and see how many stories have been told, how many songs have been taught and sung together, how many hugs have been stolen and smooches exchanged.  I see how my second to youngest was able to feel my youngest poking at him before he was even born.  I remember conversations of learning and teaching and wouldn't have given those up for anything.

I rock.  I've spent quality time with each child when they were my littlest at the time.  I'm glad, now, with my very last baby, that I can see ever-so-clearly how special this is and has been for me and my kids.

They won't be little forever.  Someday they'll be 12 and slightly smelly and bigger than me and I most likely will not rock, anymore.

So, for now, anyway, I rock.  And I love it.  :)

Technical Difficulties

For some reason, blogger won't let me copy and paste a new background.  Not sure what to do about that.

Anywho, that's why all is black.  ;)