First, a little background on my trip to Walmart today...
Someone asked me today if I wasn't going to the store with three kids by myself because shopping with a baby was hard. I said, "Have you met my other two kids??"
I'm so glad I had Matt (he said I could use his name now... lol) with me... someone might have died today.
We're in the meat section, right? Then we get bread, then produce, then we check out. Well, by now, our buggy is more than full, Natalie's pulled the little plastic bags about 4 ft. out of the container thing, on
both sides, and Andur has begged us for about 7 aisles for some really expensive candy. I'm starting to freak out about how much we've spent so far and Quin is crying.
Bread aisle. Matt's holding Quin. Natalie's man-handling boxed pastries. Andur's sniffing and/or tasting coffee grounds. And Matt and I are arguing about buns. We're past our limit of sanity.
Produce section. Get second buggy due to overloadage of goods (we're having BBQ/Open House/Game Night at our house Saturday). Andur and Natalie are fighting over who gets to push it. Matt breaks it up. Natalie lets go first. She books it to the onions and commences peeling. Andur's being "talked to" about his attitude. I'm frantically trying to collect the produce we've decided we need as quickly as possible. Behind my back, Natalie's asking me if I need lettuce. I turn around to her loading a scale with it. In the distance, I hear Matt telling Andur to "quit breaking Walmart's stuff", which means he was trying to put
himself on a scale.
Finally, one and quarter buggies later, we're done.
Somehow, we find a check-out lane that's wide open. We pull the heaviest buggy in first, followed by the second, all while our kids are already starting to paw the shelves.
Enter Pubescent Cashier Boy.
He has the nerve to tell us to back the buggies out and pull the other one in first for easy loadability or some junk like that. Whatever. So we do.
Andur and Natalie head to the drinking fountain and then to the bench in front of the hair cutting place to "sit and wait".
Matt has to put Quin down to help unload. Quin screams.
PCB (Pubescent Cashier Boy): How old's your baby?
Me: 4 months.
PCB: Oh, mine's 3 months.
I do a double take because I could swear this kid (and I mean KID) is not more than 16,
maybe 17.
PCB: Is he a crier?
IMH (In my head): Dude, he's crying right now isn't he?? Just scan and bag, kid, scan and bag. That's all you gotta do.
Me: Yep.
PCB: I'm so lucky. My baby never cries. Like never.
IMH: Yeah, right, liar. No baby NEVER cries.
Me: Wow. You
are lucky.
PCB: He's maybe cried one whole tear.
IMH: That's because they're just now
getting tears, you moron.
Me: Wow.
PCB: Yeah, he only cries when he's really, really hungry.
Me: Wow.
PCB: Yeah, me and my girlfriend are so lucky. He's slept through the night since he was born.
IMH: Rrrrrrriiiiiiiight. Cuz the nurses at the hospital
don't make you feed them every three hours. Uh huh.
Me: Wow, that
is very lucky.
At this point, I'm yelling at my kids because they're literally trying to scale the hair cutting place's window using the back of the bench. We're only half-way through the buggies.
PCB: How much does he weigh?
IMH: Dude. Just scan and bag. Just scan and bag.
Me: He was 14 lbs. 3 oz. a week or so ago.
PCB: He's big!
Me: Yep. He doesn't have a problem eating.
PCB: Mine weighed 13 lbs 4 oz. four days ago. He likes his food.
Me: How much does he eat?
PCB: Like 6-7 oz.. Every hour.
IMH: (speechless)
Me: (biting my tongue) That's amazing.
IMH: You don't really have a clue, do you tonto?
Quin is
still screaming.
PCB: Yeah, I'm so lucky.
IMH: You know what? I've read/heard from several sources that babies who don't cry much when they're baby-babies, often make up for it when they're a little older. So ha ha on you! plbbbbbbbb!
Me: Is that everything? Really? (I'm in shock because we actually spent $100 LESS then I feared we would.)
PCB: Yep. Have a nice day!
Me: You too. Good luck with that baby. (eyes rolling)
The happy ending to my story, other than spending significantly less than feared: I had a bag of clothes for a lady who lives on the complete other side of town from me and forgot to give them to her when I was out that way today so they just happened to still be in my car. Well, she just happened to be behind me in the check-out lane, and just happened to be parked right across from me. Who's the lucky one, now, punk?!
I can laugh about it now, but I sure wasn't laughing earlier.