A Moment?

Do you ever feel like you just need to say something out loud? Not necessarily for anyone to read or hear or respond to, even, but just because?

I'm having that kind of moment.

I feel like I've forgotten how to be strong.

I have it in my head that my family's only going to be apart for a month, when, really, it could be much longer.

I keep forgetting to have faith.  I forget that Heavenly Father is taking care of us, that I can let go because I really think we've done all we can do.

I don't want to be a baby about this separation.  I have two SILs who've been away from their husbands for long periods of time due to military requirements and they survived just fine.

I don't think I'm handling this trial very gracefully.  Some of the excitement of moving and starting something new is coming back, but then I remember that we're still stuck on step 4 when step 7 is when the exciting stuff begins.

Matt's leaving, tomorrow, to start his new job in another state.  He'll be three hours away.  I know that doesn't seem like far, but when it costs $100 each way and we have to come up with $11,000 just to be able to sell our house, it means we won't see each other until after that $11,000 is spent.

I'm feeling, very acutely, how he really is my other half.  Not always my better (or worse), but other, for sure.

I'm going to have to remember to turn the porch light off in the morning and take the trash to the dump every other weekend.

I'm going to have to remember to check the mail so the mail person doesn't think we died.

I'm going to have to shovel the sidewalk and driveway and make breakfast on the weekends so my kids get a break from cereal (and instant oatmeal, if we're feeling fancy).

I won't have extra arms to hold the baby who's trying to crawl up my legs because dinner isn't being made fast enough.  I won't have a body to keep the covers warm in the middle of the night when I get up with that same baby.

If someone wants to come see our house, I have to make sure it's clean by myself.

I'm so grateful he got this new job.  This is a very awesome thing and I have no regrets about embarking on this journey.  I'll be forever grateful to the people who are letting him stay in their basement.

I know I can do this, but for some reason, I have to keep reminding myself that I can do this.  How did I get so weak? Rather, how did I come to believe that I am?

I'm done whining, now.  Getting something out and letting it go is so much better than holding it in and letting it fester.  ;)