A whole new ball game

I hate change. 

I should've remembered this when I had the desire to have a baby last year.... hahaha!

I love this baby.  I know life is going to be different and, right now, with the glorious hormones, things may not seem all that peachy, but I'm excited to watch this little guy grow and change just like my other three.

He's so different, so far, though! He sleeps so well at night, only getting up twice.  He doesn't cry and cry (knock on wood) like my last one.  He doesn't care to be swaddled (and I have FIVE swaddling blankets).  He can sleep on his back (though I still put him in his carseat at night - not brave enough to try without it just yet). 

My husband and I have commented how we're not quite sure how to do a "by the book" baby.  I keep finding myself being hesitant, always wondering what horror lies around the corner... what will the two week mark bring?

I find myself anxious for summer time and warmer weather.  I'd even take cool and rainy spring time.  Winter time is the worst time to have a baby, I've decided.  People get sick.  We're all cooped up indoors.  And the sun is rare... but when it does come out, man I soak it in.  I'm excited to have the weekend ahead of me, though.  It's like a mini vacation.  I want to get out... I want to leave my house for a long period of time.  I want life the way it used to be, even.  I know these are the hormones talking, and my mind craving the solidity and routine that once was.  I know these days will pass. 

Soon, too soon, my baby will be sitting up and giggling and feeding himself... then turning ten.  That means my oldest baby will be twenty.  Twenty... my goodness.  How could anything like that even be possible? I still remember being twenty.  Heck, I still remember being ten. 

Time passes all too quickly.  Even on gloomy days, it shows no mercy.  I'm happy for my life.  I'm so very happy to have my body back and to be able to do things I haven't been able to do in what seems like forever.  But, even then, it seems like it wasn't that long ago...

This is my last baby.  I made sure of that.  ;) I'm going to hold him and love on him and do the same with my other three because they need it just as much, as do I.  I love being a mom, even with all the ugliness that comes with it, even when I do face those moments when time doesn't pass quickly enough. 

I love being able to get this out on my blog.  I don't even want to read how awful things were with my last one... I know I posted about that quite a bit.  Things are different this time.  The sun seems to shine a little brighter, and things don't seem quite so depressing.  I hate the baby blues... with a passion.  I won't miss the fact that I won't be able to do this ever again.  Trust you me. 

I'm ready to keep moving forward.